And unexpectedly, mid-morning, the news came through – for me, via a text from my brother on our ongoing family chat – that Pennsylvania officially was called for Biden, and in turn, the AP called the presidential race for Joe Biden and vice president Kamala Harris.
There was shouting and cheers, there were joyful relieved tears, there was my Facebook feed absolutely blowing up with instantaneous exclamations of joy and images of inspiration.
Almost instantly, I wrote one of those posts. And did not edit my privacy settings, as I do for many posts.
Brief, joyful: it’s officially official!
And almost immediately, someone commented that well, it’s *not* certified yet, so it’s not actually officially official yet.
And though I understand that, I posted back something like: I know there’s still official formalities, and an uphill climb and a divided country, but let me just #%$&ing have this joy!
Ok, I didn’t swear. But let me HAVE this joy. I need this joy. We NEED THIS JOY.
Just for a minute. Maybe even for the day?
Can’t we just relax?!
The friend quickly conceded my craziness/passionate response – which I figured she might because she’s good people and she just *gets* what is important in life.
As much as we’re sometimes addicted to escaping our pain and struggles by seeking temporary comforts, it dawned on me that it seems we are also sometimes addicted to staying in the place of discomfort.
I mean, in the last few days of living la vida laundry basket, I’ve seen articles reminding me of little gems like…
Our next fascist leader will be more organized and competent than DJT
Even if Biden wins, what will go down in the next 2 months may destroy democracy as we know it
Things look promising, but here are 20 things you should already be doing to prep for the inevitable civil war
… and so on and do forth.
Is it the media’s fault for putting these thoughts out there? Maybe, they do need us to click click click their links. But someone is thinking about this, and writing these articles, so it stands to reason you could be musing about this too.
Is a requirement of being woke knowing disaster and injustice is looming everywhere, so don’t you dare consider taking a night off? Maybe. It does sometimes feel like not relaxing is an inherent value of being socially aware.
Is this vigilance – this “addiction” to being uncomfortable – rooted in anxiety and trauma and something of a means of, like… survival? Wait a minute…
Ding ding ding!
Like, 2020 has been so hard in so many darn ways. Worldwide pandemic? ✔ Stay home orders?✔ Culture wars? ✔ Police brutality and exacerbated racial injustice? ✔
And it’s not just this cursed 2020!
If you hold even a fraction of the same political views I hold, the past 4 years has been hard in SO many darn ways. In many ways, every day felt like another blow to oppressed people, to the planet and protections, to safe decent standards we previously knew. The personal is political. It’s not an exaggeration to state that families have been torn apart, and that the rights and protections of LGBTIQA+ families have been threatened. And that’s just the tippy top tip of the iceberg.
It’s easier, in many respects, to not be willing to trust anything good to come out of it.
It’s safer, in many instances, to build an armor up and stay in a ready-to-fight position.
It’s more understandable, as I sit here with it, to wait for the other shoe to drop and to be so ready and poised for disappointment and pain that we cannot allow ourselves to celebrate or reach out to touch the possibility of joy, of hope. Like, if we can predict what might happen next, and stay vigilant enough, and a few steps ahead enough – we won’t be fooled again!
If that’s where you are, I’m sorry. Genuinely.
My reaching out for joy, for hope – it may seem foolish and dangerous to you. I can appreciate that. We’ve been through a lot, and some of us much more personally than others. And maybe that means it’s really freaking hard to trust right now. I can appreciate that, and I can be patient with that. It’s a really hard way to exist, but I can understand why it feels safer than being vulnerable – and potentially hurt again.
I chose to post and cheer and celebrate today. I chose to reach out and touch joy. It felt good. It felt… healing.
But I know there is a long road ahead. Nothing comes easy in a polarized, angry, frightened country. All of the racism, sexism, injustice, and pain is still here. Pandora’s Box has been open for a long while now and there’s no denying these painful realities. They don’t disappear with one sunny, joyful day.
So are we addicted to our pain? Our suffering? Our anxiety? Sometimes… yes, we are. Because it’s allowed us to survive our trauma and our pain. It’s not fun, but it’s safe.
Survival is admirable, and in many cases, wonderful. But sometimes, an addiction stops working for us and we want to thrive instead of just survive.
I hope we can move toward a life in the full spectrum of color, where we allow our senses to engage and feel the warmth of hope flush across our cheeks. I hope we can step out in faith, and into vulnerable moments, where we try out touching joy, and realize how healing it can truly be.
If you’d like to comment, I’m curious: what’s your default — escaping your pain by slipping into comfort OR staying in your pain, wrapped up as a means of defense?
And what could it look like to go against your type?
✌🏻&❤ lkj
alive. awake. uncomfortable. 