Pen to page to… procrastination?

From the time I purchased my domain and started this blog, I had a bit of a flow going. I’m not a daily or even a weekly writer, but I was knocking out a blog post at least 2-3 times a month, and for me, that felt pretty amazing.

And then about 6.5 or 7 weeks ago, I wrote a quick post about Lent and lovingkindness, and then…

…dropped off the face of the Blogosphere.

Nothing happened. Life didn’t throw me an insane curve ball or stop me in my tracks so I could give all my attention to an immediate problem. There’s no sickness, no crisis.

I didn’t run out of ideas. I still jot down plenty of ideas on a note file on my Samsung note. There’s actually *plenty* to say about discomfort and life.

It wasn’t a matter of less than ideal conditions. With 4 kiddos, ages 2-12, I have always had to actively (sometimes forcibly) take my “me time” (and deal with interruptions) to make a post happen. It is what it is.

Or was.

So … what’s going on with me?

I have been striving to get back to reading, and I’ve tried to do at least half an hour a day. I’ve been enjoying losing myself in other people’s worlds and perspectives. And that’s inspiring.

I’ve been loving longer days and more daylight and warmer temperatures and budding trees; being outside, exploring with my guys. Also generally a good thing for my well-being.

But I also recognize there are these voices; these internal nudges that tell me I can’t get my thoughts organized enough … or that I don’t have the time to focus on what I need to in order to write …

(And that’s clearly not true, since I’ve managed before.)

…So it must be some kind of anxious thing, followed up by my doing the avoidant thing.

Because what is a great (not so great, but oh so common) go-to when you’re uncomfortable?

AVOIDANCE!

I’m not sure what’s behind it. Feeling too exposed? Feeling like a fraud/imposter? Feeling like I need control when I don’t have control?

I’m not sure.

I’m also recognizing that things will naturally ebb and flow, so there’s that too. I can practice being kind to myself when I recognize that this “block” isn’t a reflection of my laziness or badness. (That’s what the therapist in me likes to do with my clients.)

Today I’m writing this simple post, sitting with it and exploring it, mostly as a hope that it will help me mentally *unstop* something that’s in the way.

It’s a new beginning, I hope.