I want to get away…

I want to flyyyyyyy awaaaay… yeah yeah yeah-yeah!

All right. Now that I’ve blessed your day with that little ear worm, I will tell you it’s been one of my resounding reactions that has popped up over this last year of quarantining/sheltering-in-place/ limiting my outings/adjusting to pandemic life.

Like, I’ve gotten used to the day-to-day of this existence. In some ways, with 4 kids from age 2 – 12, there weren’t huge adjustments. Yes, we added in school at home and stopped our monthly Messy Dinners, and ceased in going to library and playgroup with the littles, but was I ever out doing all the frivolous and fun social things? Jaunting away on fabulous trips or vacations? Nah.

But every now and then…. omg.

Escaping for my alone-time grocery shop just suddenly isn’t enough anymore.

I’ll feel it in my guts and in my nerves qnd under my skin: I need to ESCAPE.

It’s like Cabin Fever and then some. (Which is preferable, of course, to Covid.) I want to see places from my past – my college campus, my hometown, the pacific or the inland Northwest, where I used to live in Baltimore. I want to see places I’ve never been – a mountain cabin the Grand Canyon, to the Redwoods, to Spain, or to somewhere warm and beautiful and tropical.

And the feeling generally passes, as most feelings do. But in the moment –

Cue that Lenny Kravitz song!

As mentioned above, I’m not someone who is often jaunting off to exciting locales, but in the past few years since moving back to Michigan, I have had the gift of escaping for a day or two with a dear friend and fellow mama who just *gets* that yen to escape. She and I have had the privilege of escaping. We don our comfy clothes, we eat what and when we want, we don’t adhere to a schedule, and we don’t take care of anyone but ourselves. We catch up, we have deep and heavy conversations *only* if we want to, and fill our time with naps, cheesy movies, pampering. Just giving ourselves a very necessary physical and mental escape, for somewhere between 24-48 hours or so.

It isn’t a ton of time, but that ability to escape – it’s a little slice of heaven.

My husband, a Lutheran pastor, does continuing education opportunities from time to time. Of course, all of those opportunities have been virtual in the last year-and-a-half or so. A few months ago, a conference came up and he was registered to attend.

“Attend” meaning he was signed up for a slog of a 2-day Zoom. Which he’d probably do in the empty church building, his workplace. (On one of his “days off.” Yeesh.)

Not quite the same as “going to a continuing ed event” or “escaping.”

And I flipped the switch into overdrive mode… trying to find him a place where he could ESCAPE to and listen to the lectures and have some time of renewal for himself. I tried to figure out if my sister’s family cabin had wifi capabilities (no), or a reasonably good signal he could pick up (questionable). I messaged a few fellow church members to see if they knew about anyone with a local-ish cabin or cottage that wasn’t closed for the season. (Nope.) I examined at our budget to see if we could toss him into a quiet hotel room for two days. (Alas no.) Being just prior to Christmas there wasn’t much wiggle room.

I pictured him doing his conference, sure – but also maybe going for quiet walks, ordering in food, reading, journaling, playing music, relaxing, sleeping without disruption.

He didn’t “get” my flurry of activity to help him achieve getting away. He told me not to worry about it!

As if I could do that.

He might have even thought I was trying to get kick out of the house, and get a break from him.

But our house is this busy, noisy house with 4 kids and over these pandemic days, two kids doing school and bickering there full-time, one is a busy and ever-engaging 5 year old, and one is a wild and busy and loud toddler. Why wouldn’t he WANT to escape?!

The idea of physically escaping just wasn’t a big deal to him. Unlike me, it isn’t his go-to when he’s uncomfortable. He slips on his headphones, escapes into thinky books and podcasts, sci-fi shows, and video games with puzzles and skill-building where he develops and maintains little worlds.

That’s not something I can do as easily. It’s hard to turn myself “off” and achieve something that feels like a refreshing escape.

So unfortunately – for me – I wasn’t able to find him a place to escape to for continuing ed.

He logged on to the conference at the empty church building, coming home and doing the “at home” thing both nights, and essentially, was fine with it.

The urge comes to escape comes and go, ebbs and flows. I ride through the normal routine, tolerating temper flare ups and moody days from those with whom I dwell. I navigate my own. Weekends are not always very interesting at home, but the lack of schedule gives some relaxed reprieve.

Husband also just had a big birthday. As I strived to plan something special – but safe – to celebrate him, I started to fixate on escaping again.

It was getting uncomfortable again.

I was getting uncomfortable again: too much winter at-home time. Too many “all these days are the same day” days. Too much perpetual clutter and mess with no reprieve. Too much of eating in a meal rotation rut.

I mean, it was pre-pandemic times on my equally big birthday, but he whisked me away to a surprise Chicago weekend with my best friend and her husband. He lined up loving kid care (minus the tiniest tuna) and escape we did, exploring the city and embracing time together, culture, cuisine, and entertainment. What a GIFT.

With the help of a generous friend, I arranged childcare, and whisked him off to… the nearest town, about 20 minutes away.

But we got a hotel room.

Swam in a pool, without helping a kid float or paddle or practice pool flips. Without mentally recalling CPR just in casr we should we have to perform it.

Went to a brewery for lunch, not worrying if there were kid-appropriate meal choices.

Watched bad cable TV, not breaking up any fights over whose turn it was to monopolize the screen.

Talked. Laughed. Kissed. Ordered dinner in. Explored. Toasted him. Enjoyed just being us, with no other responsibilities.

ESCAPED.

In a town next to my town. For a 12 hr day.

… And it was wonderful!

As a philosophical notion or an emotional survival technique, I wouldn’t recommend “escape” being your sole go-to when life gets uncomfortable.

I balance my urge to escape with recognizing most days/weeks/months, I’m loyal. I show up. I’m generally present. I honor my commitments and responsibilities.

There’s nothing wrong about needing to get away and being refreshed by it.

It just gets tricky when people use escape to simply disappear, ghost others, drop off the grid, abandoning people and responsibilities. When our discomfort causes us to abandon others and uproot ourselves, it can be traumatic and unsettling and destroy more than its fixes.

Like many experiences, it feels to me like Covid-19 has intensified these primal coping mechanisms.

I certainly see it in myself.

Our kids have really been champs about most of this. I mean, we all have our moments (and oh are they moments!), but they truly have navigated much of this pandemic-time with a lot of grace and grit.

They aren’t kids who are accustomed to playing all the sports or doing all the activities. Because we’re a big family on one modest income, they aren’t used to doing things like Disney vacations or big trips or schedules packed with outings. But they have missed family get-togethers, and being in school with their peers. They miss going to friends houses, and overnights. They’ve missed church camp, and road trips.

I wish those things were safer to do. And so does my husband. Though we adults are in varying degrees of being vaccinated, we worry about them getting sick or getting someone else sick.

We are, though, looking forward to taking some time off around my niece’s confirmation in May. We haven’t told the kids yet, but we’re looking for a way to escape – as a family.

To pull them out of school for a few days, to take a break.

To get off our turf, and have a little adventure.

To have some new experiences, but to do so in a safe way without crowds and as much potential for picking up some nasty strain of Covid.

We’re not really sure what that will look like yet (camping? airb&b? outdoor day trips?), honestly, and are happy to hear suggestions!

But I know that if 12 hours away as a couple can benefit us so much — a few days of ESCAPE as a family could potentially be a very wonderful thing indeed.

I think they may need it more than they realize.

… Or am I just projecting again?