I came across a post about comedian John Mulaney, and the headline was about him and his girlfriend expecting a child.
What was more interesting to me, though, was the video of his actual interview with late night host, and his close friend, Seth Myers.
You see, while the baby news was a joyful thing to share, John shared more in the interview regarding his tumultuous last year which involved drug and alcohol abuse, rehab, relapse, an intervention, more rehab, and sober living. And whether or not you like John Mullaney’s style of comedy, which in itself, kind of plays up the awkward, several things about this struck me.
1) Over the course of pandemic life, has anyone *ever* gotten used to late night and/or live shows not having audiences that holler, applaud, and react to the guests?! I don’t watch a ton of late night TV, but every time I do, opening monologues and humor comes off SO empty, cringey, WEIRD. Jokes are still funny, but they hang weirdly in the air with little to no response.
2) Likewise, as John shared his stories about the last year, he moved effortlessly between sharing his very serious issues and his classic self-deprecating jokes. As I listened, and thought about how humor is so often a major defense, I found myself thinking: “wow, is this ok to laugh at?” And also maybe realizing, humor is clearly his public persona and a place of mastery and control. Maybe it’s not only no-audience awkward and real-life awkward, but also in a way, is also healing for him to be publicly at the helm of his recovery and story.
3) John’s story about the awkwardness of being late to his own intervention and still “trying to be the smartest guy in the room” reminded me of something I frequently saw as a therapist. People often finally show up in counseling when their bad habits aren’t “working for them” anymore. For a while they do, but things have a way of spiraling out of control.
John relayed how many of the people that were doing the intervening were his comic friends, but in this full room, they were all serious and there were no jokes. His defenses were high, he joked, and pushed back. But it wasn’t the place for defenses or humor from his worried friends, so seeing a room full of caring, serious comic legends was eye opening for him.
I think back to times laughing at an intoxicated peers antics or behavior, but there also comes a time when it’s no longer funny. Sometimes no one’s laughing anymore because the situation has really gotten that bad.
4) Though there’s legitimate stigma around speaking about addiction and in general being publicly vulnerable, there’s even more when it’s between men. So can I just say how much I loved the genuine affection, the gratitude, and statement “I love you” between John and Seth? As the segment closed, I was very moved. Kudos to them for openly sharing a beautiful display of healthy, relational masculinity!
Like all people, people who are addicted need genuine and solid relationships to help them navigate recovery. No one wants to go through life lonely or alone, but a person battling addiction needs supportive relationships in their corner all the more. Isolation can be a literal killer. This depth of friendship will be integral to John’s ability to stay sober.
There’s a lot of funny people out there, but John is one of my favorites. I wish him all the luck in the world, and also hope he keeps doing the work that will allow him to maintain sobriety.
I can’t seem to embed a YouTube video I don’t own or have downloaded to my device (at a fee, of course), but I do encourage you to click the link above to watch this if you have 20 minutes!
alive. awake. uncomfortable. 