There’s no doubt that the close of the year can be wonderful and festive, but for so many people – and for so many reasons – it can also be stressful, lonely, conflicting, and a huge exercise in coping with expectations versus reality.
I just made a list with 80+ names of people of whom I plan to send a Christmas card. The next few days will determine how much of this exercise plays out; some years I pull it off, some years I call it as something as something I don’t need to do.
But I always consider this big old undertaking because it does bring joy.
I love flipping through my well-loved address book, and giving thanks for all the people – from many walks of life – that fill the pages of that book. I love taking time to write out a quick card, slip in a picture of my family or just the kids, and writing out addresses that span the United States (and some years, the world)!
I’m always given pause though, as I pull out my blank stickers.
Some years, I’m covering an entry because the person has passed on. Sometimes they’ve moved away, and I’m waiting to fill in a new address. Sometimes there’s a divorce, and now there are two entries instead of one. Some years I’m adding names of a spouse or a child. Sometimes I’m adding a whole new connection in my life.
As I look at these pages, I think of how each of our stories hold SO much. We may look back at our year as uneventful, but in reality, we’re all dealing with unique circumstances. Did you change your job this year? Did you retire? Move? Get divorced, or become widowed? Welcome a new family member? Leave your church, or school? Get sick, undergo testing, or deal with lots of unknowns? Did a loved one distance themselves by joining the military or going off to college?
With any of these kind of changes, identities can shift, finances can be challenged, and grief happens.
And for some reason, as we review the year, it somehow manages to shine on those changes like a big old retro blinking Christmas bulb.
So as I look at my list, I look at who isn’t on my list. People are left off for a variety of reasons (mostly ‘cuz this girl can’t write hundreds of cards out, as opposed to personal difficulties), but no one can reach out to everyone in their life.
And I think about people I’m friendly with on social media, but am not necessarily sending a Christmas card to.
And I know some of them are struggling.
Some of my friends struggle in a subtle way I’ve learned to notice as I read their posts. Some do it in a fairly vulnerable, and more visible way, reaching out as they hurt. Some posts are clear. Some are cryptic and point to crisis.
And some are struggling, and because of how they present online, I wouldn’t even be able to guess it because everything is always “fine.”
So I want to challenge you, my friends.
No, not to write 80+ cards, because that’s not for everyone.
But pick, maybe, between 1 and 5 people who pop into your head and check in with them. You’ll undoubtedly have a few folks pop into your mind right away.
Shoot them a DM or an email or a text and start a little conversation. Let people know they’re remembered, loved, and on your mind.
Is it an uncomfortable practice? It can be.
You don’t have to start with, “Hey, I’m messaging to stop you from jumping off a cliff” or anything, because honestly, you’re really not.
You’re connecting.
And it’s easy to let days, weeks, months, years go by without doing that.
But despite popular opinion, and people being too … peopley sometimes … we actually do need each other.
Why?
To remember our lives impact those we’ve intersected with. To remember our story is broader than the stressful moment we’re in. To remember we’re not alone, even if the moment we’re in feels lonely.
Many of us talk a good game about being there for each other. And I know this is adding one more task to your end of the year list. But please make a concrete effort at that and message a few people and check in to let them know they’re in your thoughts, loved, and appreciated.
If it gets messy? If they tell you life is really sucking, and they’re hurting?
It might become a slightly longer conversation. But you can be there for them. And if their needs are big and overwhelming, and are limits to what you can do for them, just be clear and let them know that.
Just be a friend.
In this demanding and lonely world that puts so much emphasis on a merry and bright end of year, it is good to know someone loves you and has you on their mind and/or in their heart.
Challenge accepted?
Would love to see a comment (yes, connect with ME! ha!) and hear back if this is something you’re going to try to do.
And if someone you care about is feeling hopeless and thinking about ending their life, please keep this number for the Lifeline handy and encourage your friend to call: 1-800-273-8255 or chat with a professional at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Wishing you a bright end of year.
alive. awake. uncomfortable. 