From the comfort of our own couch…

We’ve hit that (perhaps inevitable?) milestone in this pandemic.

Or maybe it’s a milestone in our marriage?

I mean, we entered the exhausted end-of-day post-kid-bedtime-mindlessly-watch-TV-and-chill mode several kids ago (not to be confused with “Netflix and Chill”; we’re too old for that nonsense). 😆

But we are suddenly finding ourselves watching some of Netflix’s recent true crime “docu-dramas.” Though my husband doesn’t flinch with epic violent dramas, that’s not my bag. I generally go much lighter, appreciating long running comedies, ridiculous plot lines, and occasionally a little drama.

So that said, I’ve been pulled into the drama.

We don’t gravitate to the gory violent crime stuff. It’s more the psychological puzzles, where we learn about a bizarre personality that boldly manipulates people and bends situations to their advantage.

A year or so ago, we succumbed to the widespread pop culture frenzy around the “Tiger King” and had to see (most of) the train wreck for ourselves. Who the heck were these people? And what kind of world did they inhabit where these kind of things are always happening?

A few months ago, it was Leah Remini’s “Scientology and the Aftermath”, which winds you through the weird and dangerous world of religious manipulation and power plays.

Then it snowballed a bit. We tuned into “Inventing Anna” where a bold young woman (with the best accent EVER!) convinced everyone around her that she had connections, wealth, and scammed everyone around her out of money, accommodations, and (almost) real estate.

Then it was “Worst Roommate Ever” about serial squatters who coerce, intimidate, and essentially take over people’s dwellings. (Though that one did, eventually, take some physically violent turns, detailed by those victimized.)

Last night we finished “Bad Vegan: Fame. Fraud. Fugitives.” This is story about someone who seemed to have a wonderful vision, business, wealth, and respect, who gets married, manipulated and gaslighted into a bizarre relationship that results in losing respect, millions of dollars, and even adopting wacky new age beliefs about dog reincarnation.

It’s been a wild ride, y’all. (Aaaand… um, so what do we watch next?)

And I find myself wondering about why we get drawn into this kind of programming.

It’s different than the “reality tv” craze that first hit with the 2000s, where we got glimpses of life (that became more and more outrageous as “real housewives” and the “real world” became less and less real). It’s not like the reality competition shows, where people vie for love, or wedding plastic surgery, or staying in a 24/7 house, or not getting voted off an island, or running the world in competition with other teams. It’s not about having the best skill as a top model, or a great baker, a glassblower, a house re-decorator, or even tricking people into thinking your cake isn’t a cake.

I definitely get drawn into the story aspect. These docu-dramas surely do have a way of crafting a compelling story. As a counselor, I always appreciated being trusted enough to be welcomed into someone’s world as they understand it; to get history, hear about their experiences, their perspectives, and their thoughts about what they went through.

And these shows deliver that without any of the intentional time-consuming client-therapist relationship building. It’s all out there on display, easily accessible for consumption.

I’m so intrigued by what shapes and influences belief in a person. My husband, a minister (and again, my fellow post-bedtime couch potato) reminded me of some thoughts about our culture I was toying around with. In politics, social media, religion, and in many aspects of life these days, truth can be increasingly challenging to grasp. After all, we live in an age of (gag) “alternative facts”, mass conspiracy theories, auto tune, Photoshop, filters, and deep fakes.

My husband pointed out our deep innate yen to put our trust in something, and that can be exploited on both small and large scales. He talked about those who want to believe and those who want to sell beliefs, truth be darned.

And he left me with this gem, which is a bit of a digression, but was too good not to share: “Faith is a beautiful thing. It’s one of the best things about humankind. But faith should always, always, ask questions rather than discourage them. And it should serve the best interest of others, not just ourselves.”

So belief is beautiful, but the personalities in these shows aren’t into being questioned, so clearly in these cases, something is amiss on many levels.

And … there’s also the comfort/discomfort duality. You know on this blog, I almost always come back to the ways we humans seek out comfort and try to reject discomfort (even though it can be good for us)!

As we watched last night, I found myself reflecting on how I watch these stories and think, “How could [fill in the blank] happen? Why did this person get away with stealing people’s trust/money/life for SO LONG?” When we think things like that, we’re distancing ourselves from it – staying safe, comfortable, and essentially reassuring ourselves with a, “Thank goodness, this could never happen to me!” mentality.

And yet…

These things DO happen to intelligent, trusting people who get hoodwinked and drawn into very strange realities, so at the same time, part of us has to admit, “These things can and do happen to people. There are master manipulators out there. And they can completely prey on and blow up people’s lives!” And knowing those kind of people do manage to exploit people and make these things happen in their favor is inherently uncomfortable.

So we get the duality of squirm-in-our-seats uncomfortable watching these perversions of reality BUT thank goodness it could never happen to smarter-than-the-average-bear US?

Best of both worlds? 😆

Alas, don’t get too comfortable. Somewhere deep inside, we know that’s probably not the case either.

Anyway, I wonder: do you find yourself drawn into shows like these? Or stories about people who pull off these kind of heists or psychologically manipulative crimes? Have you ever found yourself wrapped up in someone’s power plays? Dare I even ask (… gasp…) if you identify with anyone other than the victims in these stories?