My 5th grader is an absolute movie buff.
He has borrowed library DVDs since he was a tot in the kiddie section, streamed since he knew how to use a remote, and campaigned feverishly for what we’d rent since it became our Friday night tradition. His holiday and birthday wishlists contain more movies than toys. He always scours the used DVD shelves when we hit the book resale shop. He’s the one advocating for us to get back to seeing movies in the theater during a global pandemic, despite our hesitancy to sit with talking and laughing strangers in a closed space for hours.
He researches movies, draws them out into comics, parodies them, mashes them with other unlikely favorites, and dreams of making them someday. He tells me what a demanding director he’ll be, something akin to the Gordon Ramsey of movie making. 😆
He watches YouTube videos to find out behind the scenes info and to hear what the critics think. He harshly critiques remakes of he disapproves. He memorizes a handful of absolute favorites, and can recreate them when he doesn’t have access to them. But if we go on a road trip – or really even just an outing – he most likely has his current, ever-evolving top 4 or 5 DVDs with him. He probably won’t even get to watch them; it just feels good to have them with him.
He knows his movie studios, the order of their releases. He knows his animation studios (Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, Laika, etc) especially well, and can tell you about franchises, projects that have been proposed, developed and ultimately shelved, voice actors that have been replaced between installments.
He’s enjoyed those animated flicks, so many superhero movies, 80s classics, and some truly random things he’s stumbled upon via his YouTube perusal. (Yeah. I’m looking at you, frickin’ Fred Figglehorn.)
My 10yo is also on the Autism spectrum. I’ve blogged about him before, so whether or not you’ve read those posts, this information about his intense interests may not come as a surprise. These kinds of intense interests are varied, but intense info-gathering, learning, and hyperfocusing on those interests is a pretty common thing for Autistic people.
And being ten – in 5th grade, at the top of the school – he wants to branch out into a Big Kid thing that his peers are into.
Horror movies.
I like a good scare; especially this time of year as Halloween approaches. (In fact, my 10yo helped me figure out a scary movie a day for the month of October. It’s been really fun.)
And from time to time, I like a spooky, psychological thriller that has me sitting on the edge of my seat. Or a creepy story where life is normal … until it isn’t.
Dun- dun- DUN!!!!
But… horror movies?
To me, horror means graphic imagery. Blood, guts, intestines, etc. Evil killer clowns or hockey player-clad guys with chainsaws, bloody revenge lust, and deviant antisocial intentions. Slasher stuff, gritty grotesque stomach turners. Sexual violence. Stupid women and kids and vulnerable people at the mercy of restless evil spirits and people.
Ya know, nightmare fuel.
I know how deeply that kind of imagery can bother me.
“But all my friends are watching them!”
Believe me, I’ve used the “Now if all your friends jumped off the Mackinac bridge…” line and believe me, I roll my eyes too. But you know as parents, you know we’re contractually obligated to say that, right? 😉
As kids tend to do, he’s growing up.
Sigh.
There’s the parental instinct to protect him from all that kind of horror stuff, and demand he be my little kid for longer, and say “Nope, you’re not jumping off that bridge!”
And while it may be somewhat true of all kids, there’s a conundrum. Perhaps made more intense by the autism piece: knowing that a lot of things really don’t phase him (he watched “Jaws” years ago, with his dad) BUT that some things get VERY stuck in his brain and become part of a repetitive repertoire as he processes them.
So when he brought this request to us, we initially tried to pick out safer ideas: science fiction “horror” (like Alien) or a classic “horror” (like Hitchcock or “Psycho”) that wouldn’t be gruesome by today’s standards. Scary, sure, but not graphic or barbaric.
But as we tried to clarify what he had in mind, it was clear his classmates were watching newer films. Some bragging about films I really hope they haven’t actually seen yet.
So what did we do next?
As I suspect more parents do than like to admit it, we Googled “what’s a good introduction to horror movies for an older kid?”
Commonsense Media is a great tool for finding out what could ever possibly be considered offensive in films, and like many people, I appreciate the resource in times of doubt. (Or not remembering why movies like “Stand By Me” are rated R. Oh yeah… because of all those reasons!)
But CSM also has films like “Jaws” pegged for ages 13+. “Ghostbusters” is recommended for ages 11+ and we let him watch that (he was obsessed and THE CUTEST Halloween ghostbuster ever) in Kindergarten, so basically, everything on his end of their recommendations has been DONE.
So… no.
Other mommy blogs mostly suggested things like “The Goonies” and “Paranorman” which he very much enjoys, but certainly isn’t scared by.
And he’s curious about what that scary – uncomfortable – place is for him. I remember feeling like that as a kid. Because sometimes being uncomfortable and trying something new can end up being a lot of fun.
So we’re kind of stuck between kid stuff and not-so-kid stuff, with a kid who is definitely still a kid – but also is definitely not a little kid.
And our conversation continues. What did we (reasonably well adjusted 40-somethings) remember seeing too young and being terrified by? (Yeah, I’m looking at you “Carrie” and “Poltergeist.”) What would we avoid showing him because of sexuality, violence, outright gratuity? What’s worthy of being called “horror” and will itch his scratch to try out things his peers are into? Will he be able to tell us if something he’s watching feels like too much for him? And for heaven’s sake, why is there a twisted need to explore this fantasy world when there’s already so much real life depravity in the news headlines?
Ok, maybe come the last point, I’m digressing. A bit. (That could be a whole other blog post!)
Whatever we end up showing him, we’ll plan to watch with him and check in with him and process with him. (And by the time we figure that out, he’ll probably have moved on to another genre or cinematic fascination. Hmm, maybe I’m on to something, though as you know from this blog, I do like to preach that avoidance isn’t the answer!)
We’ll strive to draw firm lines between reality and fantasy, though that can be shaky in some instances.
And confront our own fears of how and when kids can get exposed to too much.
alive. awake. uncomfortable. 