Have you succumbed to clicking on those “reels” that Facebook is now littered with?
I totally have. And the more I let curiosity get the best of me, the more FB seems to offer me. There are dad jokes, dance moves, moments of mom life, make up tutorials, cute kids being cute, lavish lifestyle flexes… and on and on and on.
One thing I’ve stumbled upon isn’t sitting with me quite right though.
At first glance, it’s a 15 or 20 second long series of images – starting low resolution, blurry, bleak… and emerging victorious, admirable, feel good.
Definitely playing up the inspirational aspect.
The latter images are often professional shots, stylized, posed, full face make up, fashionable, highlighting significant weight loss or body changes.
Hashtags include – but are not limited to – #soberiscool, #soberlife, #addiction #recovery, #sobrietyrocks, #sobermom, #alcoholfree, #onedayatatime.
Please know this: I truly want to tread through this post with humility, because though I’ve worked with clients navigating a life of sobriety, I myself have never had to tread those waters. I have immense respect for people who have faced their addictions and changed their whole way of life to have one worth living.
And it should go without saying that social media is not always reflective of real life.
So what’s bothering me?
At it’s most basic, it’s the simplicity of it all … the before and after of it all… the glossing over of all the hard work that truly is recovery.
And it may be inspirational… hopeful… but it also doesn’t feel authentic.
And authenticity matters so much, especially as you come to terms with addiction.
Listen: no one owes me the details of their story. You’re not my client or my family member. I’m not sitting with you, as a peer at a meeting, walking this road with you.
I’m a stranger, clicking random reels on the internet.
And I know as we conceptualize our lives, and tell the story of who we are – there are moments we see as befores and afters.
And people should have support, and be proud of the hard work they’ve managed to do.
But sobriety is not a diet plan, a makeover, or a shiny new Insta profile.
Sobriety is about so many things.
Sobriety is getting honest about your hurt. It is recognizing who you’ve hurt. It is about physically detoxing. It is learning how to be mindful, cope in new ways, and not turn to substances. It is unpacking trauma. It is setting boundaries. It is asking for help, and finding people who will support the best you. It is recognizing your strength, your worth. It is adding healthy routines and choices to your days. It is making appointments and showing up for them. It is letting go of what you can’t change, and and sometimes forgiving others and yourself. It is making amends. It is changing your lifestyle. Sometimes that includes your job, who you date, where you live, where you socialize. It is losing friends. It is very often hitting rock bottom.
Addiction isn’t a moral failing, but sobriety is hard moral work.
It is hard work that is absolutely admirable.
But it’s also messy, difficult, uncomfortable, and ultimately… rewarding.
It is not 20 seconds of gritty “befores” and glossy, chic “afters” set to a bop.
Reels aren’t real life.
Since an abundance of these reels seem to exist, I hope they do inspire people.
But I guess, ultimately, I worry that oversimplifying sobriety might ultimately cause people who truly need it to give up on it.
alive. awake. uncomfortable. 