Being the Me I Need Today

Maybe it’s that I’m coming off a nasty feverish virus that has made sleeping hard, or that I haven’t been to the gym all week, or just that a lot has been anxiously bubbling beneath the surface…

But some days, you wake up feeling like an absolute mess who can’t handle ANYTHING.

Ta da! … And here I am!

And while my inclination, sadly, can be to compare myself, belittle myself, or devalue myself as a person and a parent and a partner…

I’m going to try to be the me I need today.

Yes, I also have to recognize what I’m doing and catch the way I’m spiraling. My go-tos are judging myself for “not handling things better” or for not “doing enough.” Or maybe I wish I was just “being stronger.” But honestly, tell me… is there one correct way to do that?!

There are a million different ways to navigate life, struggles, and frustrations.

And I’m one in a million, baby.

(But I’m also not alone in this.)

I also woke up worrying about my children’s social emotional physical nutritional spiritual development. I woke up worried about finances and that I haven’t worked this year. I woke up terrified of having to plan or afford a move in the future. I woke up scared about this country and how divided and vicious and threatening it feels.

And I can’t solve a darn single thing on that list right now, can I?

So to be the me I need today, I’m reminding myself

• that I have been sick with virus so of course I’m not 100%
• to slow down
• to eat a little breakfast
• to get dressed in something that makes me feel comfortable and cute
• to not blame myself for the uncontrollable
• to ask for what I need (whether it’s a hug, or help, or… or…)
• to trust in my relationships
• to stay present
• to take deep breaths, remind myself I’m not alone, and that not only am I dealing with a virus, I’ve dealt with cancer! And trauma and loss. And a move across the state.. It’s been a helluva year! And all that said…
• to just do the next thing I can, and to give everything I can over to God.

If there’s any of this you can relate to needing, you’re in good company.

As I care for my home-from-school  not-feeling-well kid today, I am reminded I’d never blame him or chastise him for throwing up or feeling ill. I’d care for him, be gentle with him, clean up for him, and adjust for his needs.

May I so care for myself.

And may you so care for yourself today.